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How do I Speak to This Kid and How am I Heard?
If the way you speak to a certain child never seems
to work, it stands to reason that you need to change
your method. If you understand the communication
style of the child in question, you can increase your
effectiveness in parenting.
There is a parenting
strategy that uses an assessment tool called DiSC.
What it discerns is your child's communication style
and how your own plays into that--or doesn't! There
are four types of communication styles according to
the DiSC theory:
- High D
- High I
- High S
- High C
Communicate with a High D with these points in mind:
- Allow the high D to feel he/she has control
- Limit socializing and get to the bottom line
- Ask "what" questions
- Understand and accept his/her direct
approach
- Be quick and efficient!
With the High I:
- Use strong people skills
- Ask about family members and friends (and pets)
- Be casual...formality will drive the high i nuts!
- Show empathy and understanding
- Acknowledge him/her for enthusiasm and
passion
- Avoid asking him/her to do any detailed tasks
With the High S:
- Be sincere and kind
- Match voice tone (if you have a high S who is
quiet, lower your voice, etc)
- Don't push
- Provide personal attention
- Apologize in a sincere way when complaints are
voiced
- Warm affection and cuddling
With the High C:
- Provide a copy of instructions
- Provide a history of the performance of your child
(scrapbooks are great)
- Allow the High C to feel in control and coontinue
to provide answers to detailed questions
- Be patient with "why" questions
- Speak in an orderly way...give them logical
anxwersto their questions in a sequence that makes
sense and is easy to follow
- Follow-through with written communication to
increase assurance
Find out more....
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Greetings!
And happy new year! I hope everyone survived the
holidays, visitation and all, and are looking forward to
a happy 2006. Sticking to the number theme for my
newsletter headlines, I chose this one because the
nines times table was the easiest one for me! There
seemed to be a formula that made sense to this
person with dyscalculia. When I was learning the
times tables my math teacher showed me the cool
way 2 x 9 equaled 18 by writing the number each
equation came out to in a vertical column with 9 x 9
equals 81 being the last in the column. Looking down
the column of two digit answers I saw 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,
6, 7, 8 with the second digit in the column being 8,
7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1! Being a
visual learner, this made it SO easy.
With another
term of school about to start for our children (and
ourselves), do you know what kind of learners or
communicators your kids are?
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| Ask Me, I've Been There! |
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I had less trouble communicating with step kids than
I had with one biological kid! Because of our very
different communication styles, when I said black,
she heard blue. That was until I started being
trained to use the DiSC system. If this sounds
familiar to you, I invite you to contact me via email
or phone with your questions. I would be happy to
share the success that system brings to relationships
between people across the breakfast table and
across the board room table!
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| Communication Happens Without Words Too! |
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What you DO or don't DO communicates a lot to your
children also. We all need to understand that our
post-divorce parenting can do as much damage to
the kids' sense of well being as the divorce may have!
Here are some of the biggest mistakes we could
and do make:
- Trying to ruin your child's relationship with your
ex.
- Getting back at or hurting your ex by using your
child.
- Manipulating and influencing by using your child
to gain information.
- Allowing hurt or frustrations toward your ex to be
transferred to your child. Easy to do when the child
looks or acts like the ex!
- Forcing your child to choose sides when there is
a scheduling conflict.
- Using your child's birthday party as an
opportunity to address conflict or argument with your
ex.
- Having an "It's us against the world" mentality to
encourage companionship with your child.
- Becoming so emotionally needy that your child
feels guilt about spending time with the ex or anyone
besides you.
- Overindulging your child's material desires to
compensate for your guilty feelings.
The nines times tables might be easy, but these nine
mistakes are not so easy to avoid. These are
mistakes made by divorced parents with
their OWN biological children, so magnify that by nine
and you will see how easy it might be to make those
same kind of mistakes with your stepchildren.
A
very good resolution to make this year would be to
put a guard up against making any of the mistakes
listed. Everyone will be much happier if you are
successful.
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Read on... |
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